Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN’S ultimate insight into this week’s soaps

Now that EastEnders is screening classic episodes (having run out of normal ones during lockdown), it’s interesting to reflect on scenes that instantly come to mind in the history of soap.

Top of my list would be Dallas when, in response to outrage at the departure of Patrick Duffy, who played Bobby Ewing, the show ‘resurrected’ him. His partner Pam woke up to discover the whole of the previous year had been a dream. 

Alas, the sister show Knot’s Landing never heard, and continued to grieve for the dead brother.

Among home-grown soaps, inevitably EastEnders’ Den serving Angie divorce papers on Christmas Day 1986 is the most-watched soap episode ever – with more than 30 million viewers – and was voted the most dramatic Christmas TV moment of all time.

In Corrie, there are so many brilliant, memorable moments it’s hard to single one out. However, Gail’s accusation of serial killer husband Richard being no more than ‘Norman Bates with a briefcase’ was genius.

Finally in Emmerdale, every animal’s death is a moment to remember. Batley the dog being euthanised? I’m still crying.

EASTENDERS

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

Angie Watts tells Dirty Den (pictured) that she has six months to live in order to stop him from leaving her, in an episode of EastEnders that first aired in 1986

Angie Watts tells Dirty Den (pictured) that she has six months to live in order to stop him from leaving her, in an episode of EastEnders that first aired in 1986

Drinking is an occupational hazard with pub living, but no one managed it quite as spectacularly as Angie Watts. Married to bad boy Dirty Den (a man who makes Harvey Weinstein look like the Angel Gabriel), life was tough. 

On Tuesday, the show brings us the iconic, 90-minute two-parter between the couple, first aired in 1986. Sh

Clutching a bottle of gin and still in her bathrobe, Angie concocts the massive lie that she has six months to live in order to stop Den leaving her. 

Quite frankly, he’d have had trouble getting through the front door with Angie’s busby blocking the way; I’ve seen Afghan hounds with less hair. 

In response to the news, Den’s bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired – ‘Damn… Damn.’ Linguistic prowess was never his forte.

Den, of course, uncovers the lie, which leads to the famous Christmas Day episode and the most memorable ending of all time: ‘’Appy Christmas, Ange.’ DOOF DOOF.

Monday brings us Secrets From The Square, a series featuring some of the show’s stars re-living their best moments, and also some events behind the camera. 

First up is superfan Stacey Dooley with Danny Dyer (Mick) and Kellie Bright (Linda).

CORONATION STREET

NO FOOD FOR THOUGHT

In Coronation Street, Shona invites David (pictured) up to the flat, following a panic attack in the Bistro

In Coronation Street, Shona invites David (pictured) up to the flat, following a panic attack in the Bistro

David and Shona had a difficult enough courtship the first time (David a psycho, Shona a thief and the mum of Clayton, who murdered David’s wife, et al), so imagine how stressful it is having to go through it all again (not least for viewers). 

What a lot of hurdles Shona has to overcome: her care worker Aaron takes her to Roy’s flat, where she meets Nina, who has the look of someone who’s been skinny dipping in mascara; then, David asks her out for a bite to eat (given his tiny frame, a bite is probably literally all it will be).

It all goes horribly wrong when Shona has a panic attack in the Bistro (doesn’t everyone? Have you seen their prices?) and tells him she’d rather go to the chippie. 

Given we haven’t seen a chef in the Bistro in weeks (or is it months?), that’s probably wise. Shona later invites David up to the flat.

In more boring news, Seb and Alina admit they still have feelings for each other. Oh, not again; we’re so over this. Why the show keeps resurrecting this relationship is anyone’s guess.

It’s a difficult week for couples all round, with Fiz moaning that all her conversations with Tyrone are about food and The Girls. Could she really be missing the psycho stalker?

And what is ‘Swede Art’ when it’s at home? ‘It’s quid pro quo, Swede Art,’ said a threatening Jordan to Carla last week. They’ve been watching too much EastEnders.

EMMERDALE  

LOCKDOWN LOCK-IN

Paddy (pictured, with Chas) is intent on drinking the cellar dry, as he spends lockdown in a pub in Emmerdale

Paddy (pictured, with Chas) is intent on drinking the cellar dry, as he spends lockdown in a pub in Emmerdale 

There are many places you wouldn’t want to be in lockdown, but if it’s inevitable, a pub is surely the best. 

Chas, however, is finding it difficult and feels cut off from her old life; Paddy is less troubled and seems intent on drinking the cellar dry. 

At least there’s no possibility of his finding anyone enjoying sex among the bottles down there – always a risk when venturing down to change a barrel. 

But is his enjoyment of the alcohol just a cover for hiding what’s really going on in his head? It’s a time of reflection for the couple (pictured). Another shot, please. Make it a triple.

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